After a rough emotional week I am finally starting to feel more positive. I am starting to learn it is ok to care about myself and not focus so much on what others opinions are about me. It is ok to do things for myself even if no one else validates it.. I don't need others validation. Now don't misunderstand me,, I am all about getting and receiving support, but there is a difference in getting support and getting validation. Getting support from others is an added bonus as you work on whatever goal your trying to reach, but that doesn't mean you can't reach it on your own,, just means the journey is a little less lonely and you get encouragement, and giving it as well, along the way. I am finally getting it. I am worth every effort and if I wait for others to say "go" your worth it, then I am cheating myself from really getting to know who I am and what I can accomplish with my own free will. A person who truly supports another person only enriches their life. Never should anyone put their self worth in someone else's hands, never should you give that power away. That only leads to toxic friendships and no one needs toxic people in their life. I wish I could hold onto this feeling forever,, and will continue to make goals to get myself there because I am worth it.
Sometimes you just have to go it alone. I can only do what I do and know it still may not be good enough for others. I have spent all my life wanting others to approve or let me know what I have done is important enough for them to take time to somehow validate what I had said or did is good enough. It leaves me wondering why I need this validation so much? Why is someone else's opinion of me and what I do so much more important than my own? Maybe the answer is simply because I don't feel like I am important enough. Maybe I am seeking others approval so I can try to convince myself that I am not right and that I am worth it,, but let sometimes to feel silence (in words or actions) validates my own opinion of myself.. I want to be wrong. All I can do is keep trying to prove I am worth it, I am worth the effort to do things to make myself happy,, I have to stop and enjoy little moments and work on those baby steps that will turn into huge triumphs, sometimes it is just hard to do because sometime I just have to walk this path alone (singing "All by myself") and rely on my own participation, and that scares me.
I have always tried to treat others the way I want to be treated,,the golden rule right? Why is that such a dying thing these days. I can't stand it whenever a customer doesn't get their way the first thing they need to do is remind me that I am fat. OH MY GOD NEWS FLASH,,,, I am? Why do people think I need to be reminded that I am and why does it matter if I am? Why is it still ok for people to make fun of fat people? You can get in trouble with the law for making fun of others due to their race, color, sexually orientation but yet, being fat is free game (look at the media and music). I get so tired of people thinking the outside defines who you are. Why is it so much more important than who you are inside? I know people say "don't give them the power" and I work real hard on it and most of the time I am not bothered with it but sometimes it does. I have a job and I have to follow the policies,,people think I make up the policies and somehow I am suppose to break them just because they get mad at me (they are not going to pay my bills if I get fired). I have to put up with a bunch of thieves who bring me back the same stuff day after day, week after week and I have to hand them back money and have to keep my mouth in check and keep my morals to myself. Why is it the first thing a person does when they are mad is name call? Point out every flaw,, how does that help the situation? People look at me and just assume all I do is eat and they think by pointing that out to me is going to magically make me stop and in reality what it does is make me eat more because I handle my emotions through food. Is stinks and so does mean people
Busy morning but I am done with the excuses why I didn't have a healthy breakfast. My fruit is about out and starting to not be so fresh so I am having it for breakfast. This way I get a healthy breakfast in and it doesn't go to waste. This should get me through until lunch. I love my fruit.
So my boyfriend's mom wanted to take us out to eat along with his sister and his 2 nieces to one of our favorite places to go, Saltgrass. If you don't know what that is it is a really good steak restaurant here in Texas (Not sure if they are nationwide or not). So, temptation looms everywhere and yet I knew exactly what I wanted. The wedge salad recipe I posted on my recipe page was inspired by this salad. when I first tried this salad, I was not a believer that this salad would be any good since I did not care for balsamic dressing or ranch dressing and putting them both together, I was convinced I was not going to like, (they also put blue cheese and I detest blue cheese so that was just a plain no don't put on my salad please). Boy I was wrong. I don't know what it is about mixing the 2 dressings but the creaminess and the flavor combo it brings to the salad is amazing. This is such a filling meal, and you get a bit of bacon and who doesn't like bacon? I left feeling full and not deprived and I didn't even feel bad I didn't eat that 5 layered chocolate lava cake,,it is possible to make healthier choices when eating out without feeling you are sacrificing taste.
I wish I had a magic wand and have my dreams match my job. I hate this never ending feeling of doom when Tuesday night comes around and know I have to go to work tomorrow...same old feelings I deal with and I am trying to fix it so my job will match my hopes and dreams. I am feeling not so hopeful tonight. I will not quit reaching for my dreams but not feeling confident tonight.. tomorrow is a new day!
Yes this is going to be a rant.. I went and got groceries this morning and had to deal with what I consider to be rude and inconsiderate. I was looking at Greek yogurt and I had 2 in my hand and was just making sure there were no other brand that was plain and cheaper,, all of a sudden a woman rushed over and literally grabbed all the rest of the Greek yogurt off the shelf and practically shoved me out of the way (I am a fat girl so good luck woman with your 90 lb frame doing that)! She took probably 7 or more. I said to her " excuse me" in a very harsh voice and she said "if you want more you can have them get you more from the back" Now I am thinking "witch (with a B) your the one that wants several and apparently wanted what I had to from the big rush to get to it" but nope, passive me just rolled my eyes at her and said "No I am fine, 2 will do me, I can share" and I left. I just don't understand why some people act this way in such a "all about me and what I want" attitude and never even considering others. Maybe I am truly getting old and manners are a thing in the past but, she was older than me. Just don't get it.
I have never been a breakfast eater and use to think you only ate cereal or eggs for breakfast. Boy have I learned to think outside the box to make myself eat breakfast. I made a simple turkey melt using light wheat English muffin, turkey bologna and light cheese,, and just toasted it up using my cast iron pan to toast the muffins and allow the cheese to melt (or you could just toast the muffin in a toaster, which I don't own). Calories 195, Fat 5, carbs 27, sodium 180
Yes my friends I did it, I did a vlog (video vlog). Boy was I nervous,,still scared but I know that anything worth doing takes work. I will leave a link here for this one (just click my face) but I added a youtube link under the pull down Journal window above. I will be posting links on a regular basis and will post them as I post them there. Remember if you like them please subscribe at my youtube channel (I would be deeply grateful) and leave comments over there and here.. thank you and one more huge step completed for me on this journey
Hi and welcome. This is my blog that pretty much captures my every emotion on my journey to a healthier life. Warning I will have rants, raves, and whining on my journey to self discovery.